Finding your own path
How to Unblock Yourself and Embrace Real Change
I used to devour self-help books, eagerly searching for that one magical insight that would finally unlock the secret to understanding myself. Each book was filled with profound stories of transformation, but despite all the knowledge I gleaned, authentic change eluded me. Conceptually I understood why I made certain choices, yet I still found myself repeating the same patterns—choosing emotionally unavailable men, people-pleasing, struggling with career decisions, and turning to junk food when life felt overwhelming. I was stuck, no matter how much I read.
What I came to realize was that true change doesn’t come from following someone else’s path to freedom. It comes from pivotal moments in our own unique experiences—moments that push us beyond our comfort zones, forcing us to confront what’s really holding us back.
My journey towards self-discovery began with a series of critical junctures. The catalyst was a heated exchange with my now ex-husband, who angrily accused me of being superficial. His words triggered a spiral of intense self-doubt and anxiety, feelings that had previously been foreign to me. Suddenly, I questioned everything—from the food I ate and the products I used, to obsessing over every instance I could find in the world where people and animals were suffering. I went from barely thinking about these things to overanalyzing every detail, feeling overwhelmed by the weight of it all.
I stopped eating meat, refused to buy anything that came in plastic and to the horror of my husband, stopped eating at the restaurants we used to frequent. None of these reactions would have surfaced if they weren’t rooted within me. Superficial had been a coping strategy and there was nothing superficial about my newfound anxieties. My husband just happened to push the right button, and this was a critical starting point in my life.
The first breakthrough was finding the right therapist who guided me toward real inner progress. This wasn’t just any therapist; she was actually a life coach who offered the kind of support I’d never experienced before. Her approach helped me dig deep into my own psyche, uncovering the root causes of my struggles and eventually guided me through one of the darkest and most and challenging periods of my life. Her support was so profound that I enrolled in the same spiritual psychology program she had completed, which was one of the most important things I ever gave myself.
Another early breakthrough came during a solo trip I’d never planned to take. I’d always admired other women who had the courage to travel alone as solo travel had always been my greatest fear. I had arranged to travel to Iceland with a friend, but when she canceled at the last minute, I faced that choice: stay home or go alone. I’d always let others’ decisions dictate my life, but this time for some reason, I felt ready to push past my fear and go.
Upon arriving in Iceland alone, the first challenge for myself was to drive the 180 mile, Golden Circle. I was so wound up as I left Reykjavik in my car rental, feeling terrified and anxious. But as the landscape shifted around me, revealing a stark and unparalleled beauty, something inside me began to change. The raw, untamed scenery jolted me out of my self-pity and fear—challenging, unfamiliar, but ultimately transformative. That trip became one of the most rewarding, adventure-filled experiences of my life, teaching me that true growth always lies beyond our comfort zones.
Through these few early experiences, I learned that while self-help books, affirmations and positive thinking have their place, they aren’t enough on their own. Real change requires us to confront and reshape the underlying beliefs that keep us stuck. For me, it was action in real-time that helped me bypass my thinking, connect me to my core fears and let some of them go. It’s not about putting a happy mask on our problems; it’s about digging deep, facing our fears, and embracing the discomfort that comes with growth.
If you’re feeling stuck, I encourage you to seek out those defining moments in your own life—the ones that challenge you to step outside your comfort zone, take action and face what’s really holding you back. What are you most afraid of? What do you admire in others but can’t seem to do for yourself? It’s in these moments when we push through that true unblocking happens, leading to genuine, lasting transformation.